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To be fair, we should give Nebraska credit for starting something besides Arbor Day. Most people blame California for originating Official English in 1986, but it actually began in the Cornhusker State in 1920.
However, Nebraska isn't a trendsetter like California. Official English languished for decades after Nebraska passed its law, but right after California's action, Official English began infecting much of the Mountain West: Colorado in 1988, Montana in 1995, and Wyoming in 1996. Arizona approved it 1988, but it was overturned this year by a state supreme court ruling.
Proponents say that Official English will give us political stability and a common culture , as opposed to, say, Switzerland, which has somehow managed to stay together for the past 700 years with four official languages.
Back in the U.S.A., Official English
obviously
must be the dialect used by officials
-- that is,
politicians.
Since this is an election year, we hear plenty from politicians: advertising, speeches and announcements in their Official English. Sad to say, our public-education system suffers from well-known deficiencies. Thus many citizens, even though they're quite fluent in Regular English, have difficulty understanding Official English.
As a public service, the media should offer simultaneous translations of Official English to Regular English, but until that happens, here's a brief guide:
Official: Water is the very lifeblood of the American West, and I will protect every drop that belongs to us.
Regular: I will support every possible pork-barrel dam,
canal, conduit, project and diversion, no matter how high
its cost-benefit ratio or environmental degradation.
What's the point of having lifeblood
unless you clog
the arteries and drain the veins?
Official: We must respect the diversity of our many cultures.
Regular: Just as long as none of them move into the neighborhood and depress property values.
Official: I shall continue to support the multiple use of our public lands, and oppose any measures to lock them up just for a few elitists.
Regular: I get substantial campaign contributions from the logging, grazing, mining and motorized-recreation lobbies.
Official: We must protect our few remaining roadless areas from further exploitation.
Regular: I get substantial campaign contributions from wilderness outfitters, national environmental lobbies and the manufacturers and distributors of expensive high-tech lightweight outdoor equipment.
Official: I support individual rights, not group rights.
Regular: Unless, of course, the group happens to be incorporated and listed on a major stock exchange.
Official: We can't abandon our public schools, and we must increase their funding levels.
Regular: The local chapter of the National Educational Association has supported my campaign with ample donations and enthusiastic volunteers.
Official: We must expand our economic development programs in order to be competitive.
Regular: Your taxes will go up, in order to pay for all the subsidies and rebates we want to provide to big companies so that they'll move here and triple the lot prices in the subdivisions owned by my campaign contributors.
Official: I will continue to oppose the proposals of multinational mining companies to invade our valley.
Regular: Of course I'm against that mine, since if it went in, the ski area would lose its supply of cheap labor.
Official: Although we have made substantial progress, we still haven't won the War on Drugs.
Regular: I'll keep raising your taxes and assaulting your civil liberties.
Official: My roots are deep in our Western heritage, since my great-great grandfather homesteaded ...
Regular: With a little help from the cavalry, great-great granddad stole the land from the Indians, and the family has done pretty well since then -- well enough to send me to an Ivy League school. And despite appearances, I don't know how to oil a windmill or tie a half-hitch.
Official: You deserve a representative who shares your traditional American family values.
Regular: If I had any family values, I'd be at home with my family. I certainly wouldn't be here eating bad food, shaking hands with strangers, and pretending that I care what the county chairperson thinks about electric deregulation.
As you can see, there's a big difference between Official English and Regular English. If we must have Official English, then simple fairness demands that translations be provided until all speakers of Regular English become fluent in the Official dialect.
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