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The bell rings and the squirming sixth-grade students adjust themselves to their seats for the duration. The teacher calls the roll, leads the Pledge of Allegiance, collects lunch money and starts the lesson.
Today, class, we're going to be doing something new,
as required by the Morality in Elementary Education Act of
1999,
she begins.
Immediately a hand goes up. It belongs to Jenny, a
smart but mouthy little girl whose parents are rumored to
be vegetarians or freethinkers, perhaps even Democrats.
Mrs. Hansen, wasn't this law passed by a Republican
congress, and don't Republicans say they are committed to
local control of education? So why are they making laws in
Washington to control what happens in our classroom
here?
The teacher sighs. Jenny, in our civics lesson next
week, you'll get to write to write to our congressman. So
why don't you ask him about it then?
Jenny doesn't shut up. Mrs. Hansen, the last time I
wrote our congressman, to complain about the mushy Korean
War surplus canned peas that the federal government
provides to our school lunches, he just sent a form letter
that offered to send our school a flag that had flown over
the U.S. Capitol. I don't think he even reads our letters,
unless we put money in them so that we're campaign
contributors.
The teacher clears her throat and gets the class back on
the tracks. Jenny, we can take that up at some other
time. Now, class, did any of you notice anything new on
the wall this morning?
She calls on an observant boy. Over where there used
to be a copy of the Bill of Rights, there's a big framed
copy of the Ten Commandments.
Right, Jason. And as required by the new law, we're
going to spend a minimum of eight classroom hours focusing
on the commandments.
With her class back under control, Mrs. Hansen glances
through the guidelines passed out by the principal. All
children with a Judeo-Christian domestic ethico-cultural
heritage will stay in the room for this session -- and I
guess that includes you, too, Achmed, since Muslims also
read the Old Testament. Any others -- Buddhists, Taoists,
Animists, Native American, Wiccans, atheists and agnostics
and other bad Americans -- should go to the library for the
next hour. Does anyone need to leave?
A few children fidget uncomfortably, but no one rises.
Mrs. Hansen decides to start with one of the easier
commandments. Let's talk about 'Remember the sabbath
day, to keep it holy.' What's that mean?
Mollie answers. Mrs. Hansen, it means you're
supposed to take a day off each week, and go to church
then.
Right, Mollie.
Alas, other hands are on the air.
She avoids Jenny and calls on Rachel.
Mrs. Hansen, isn't the sabbath supposed to be the
seventh day of the week, which is Saturday, not Sunday? So
why do we have school events on Saturdays when we're
supposed to keep it holy?
Before Mrs. Hansen can summon an answer, Achmed adds to
the discussion. Our day of rest is Friday, and we have
to go to school anyway. How can you be telling us to honor
the sabbath when you won't let us honor our
sabbath?
While the children chatter among themselves, their
teacher hurriedly scans the guidelines, and finds nothing
about this development. She moves on. Thou shalt not
covet -- what's it mean to covet?
Thomas answers. I means you're not supposed to want
things that aren't yours.
Mollie has a question. Does that mean you're not
supposed to take them?
A relieved teacher responds. Mollie, I think that's
covered by another commandment, 'Thou shalt not steal.'
Coveting is different from stealing. Remember what Thomas
said, about how coveting is wanting things that aren't
yours?
Mrs. Hansen tries to keep the expression of dread off
her face when she sees that Jenny's hand is the only one
up. Yes, Jenny.
Mrs. Hansen, every time I watch TV, I see lots of ads
to make me want things that aren't mine, like sneakers and
Star Wars toys. And when I read the newspaper, I see the
same thing -- all these ads that try to make people covet
new cars and big houses. Are they trying to make us break
one of the sacred commandments? What would happen to
America if everybody quit coveting? Would people just quit
buying stuff?
Mrs. Hansen glances at her wristwatch. Only a few minutes remain in today's required discussion of the Ten Commandments. She's a pro, she can spin and stall for those few minutes. And at the staff meeting this afternoon, she's going to tell the principal that federal law or not, she's not touching this stuff again until she gets some better guidelines.
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