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About five years ago, when Newt Gingrich was riding high as the leader of his brave band of congressional revolutionaries, he proclaimed a major goal: to return American society to something like what it was the 1950s.
Gingrich has since left office in disgrace, but give credit where credit is due -- he seems to have succeeded.
For instance, the New York Yankees just won three of the last four World Series, dominating baseball just as they did in the 1950s. Stock-car racing was big in the 1950s, and it's hot now.
Perhaps the most amazing comeback in the sporting world is the revival of professional wrestling. I vaguely remember watching it on TV when I was a kid, cheering for the noble Argentina Rocca against the vile Dick the Bruiser. But then I figured out that the matches must be scripted and rigged, and lost interest.
Granted, much of American political life is also scripted and rigged, and I maintain an interest in that, so it's not for me to question the taste or intelligence of wrestling fans. At least they get to watch some extravagant showmanship, as opposed to hoping there's enough strong coffee to get through a Bradley-Gore debate.
Bowling is another sport that was big in the 1950s. It
was in decline, from 72 million bowlers in 1980 to 67
million in 1985. But perhaps on account of the Gingrich
back to the future
social program, there are now 91
million bowlers.
On the automotive front, the 50s were the era of chrome and tail fins, neither much in evidence now. But maybe the important thing was to have a bigger car than your neighbor, and now the bigger the Spewt, the better it appears to sell. One wonders whether, a few years hence, an immense Suburban will look as strange as a 1958 DeSoto does now.
Never have I read that American cuisine excelled in the 1950s. Even so, I've recently seen television advertising for one of the truly bland and tasteless products of that bland and tasteless era -- white bread, specifically Wonder Bread. Will home deep-fat fryers be next?
Fortunately, we seem to have been spared a resurgence of pastel palettes and Danish modern furniture, but that's no reason to be complacent. One of the big features of the 50s -- the prime-time TV quiz show -- is making a major comeback.
These shows are drawing such big audiences that one of the Denver stations might be inspired to produce its own quiz show, and if that happens, we might get questions like this:
· If it takes seven years to expand Interstate-25 in the south metro area, and commuters face 15-minute delays each day on account of construction, how long until they recoup that time with the reduced commuting time on a wider highway?
A) 6 years.
B) 14 years.
C) Never, because by the time the construction is done, population will have grown to maintain congestion at present levels.
· If you use illegal drugs in your youth, you will
A) Have a brain that looks like a fried egg.
B) Become governor of Texas.
C) Become a Denver police officer.
· If a group of armed men wearing hoods breaks into a home and kills the occupant, it is
A) A terrorist incident.
B) An unfortunate mistake.
C) Just another day in the War on Drugs.
· With the arrival of the year 2000, every time zone has a major celebration. The largest city in the Mountain Time Zone marked this occasion by:
A) Setting off fireworks.
B) Inviting one and all to a big gathering in the heart of the city.
C) Rolling up the sidewalks three hours before midnight.
How well did you do? Think you're contest material,
ready to go on a Colorado version of 21
or Who
wants to be a millionaire?
Want to check your
answers?
Alas, the correct answers seem to have gotten lost, so we'll have to use a more modern method of scoring, endorsed and approved by many of our schools: Do you feel good about your answers?
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