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We have an adjustable rate mortgage whose rate just got adjusted upward, thanks to recent actions by the Federal Reserve Board. As I understand matters, the economy was in danger of overheating, and an increase in interest rates would cool things down.
But my understanding of economic matters is often flawed -- if I had any useful knowledge that area, I would be publishing an insider newsletter that cost $2,000 a year -- and so I decided to get some more background information by calling my favorite inside source: Ananias Ziegler, media relations director for the Committee That Really Runs America.
Ziegler was in an uncharacteristic good mood. Looks
like
we've beaten back those pesky reformers, he chuckled.
Imagine the nerve of Bill Bradley and John McCain,
arguing that elections shouldn't be about who can raise the
most money.
Guess you showed them, I commented, seeing as how Al Gore and George Bush the Younger, the candidates with the most money, came out ahead in almost all those primaries last week.
Damn right we did,
Ziegler said. We've
protected the American Way from a terrible threat. What's
this country coming to if you can't buy an
election?
Good question, and I added that electing a
reformer
is no guarantee of reform. I sadly
recalled backing a reform ticket
for the local city
council a couple of years ago, then having to sue them just
to get them to obey the state Open Meetings law.
How true that is,
Ziegler agreed. People tend
to forget that the biggest crook in American political
history -- William M. 'Boss' Tweed of New York -- was
elected in on a reform platform after the Civil War. He
was supposed to clean up Fernando Wood's mess, and instead,
he cleaned out the city treasury.
But Bush the Younger is still calling himself a
Reformer with Results,
I noted.
Not for long,
Ziegler said. What's to reform?
Campaign finance? You think they're going to vote to
change a system that put them all in office? Education?
That's fine for a governor, since it's a state matter, but
it's not really something the feds can do much about.
Besides, that's not why you called, is it?
No, it wasn't. I wondered why my house payment went up, thereby reducing the number of dollars in my pocket at the end of each month.
To combat inflation,
Ziegler said. As you may
remember, inflation happens when there are too many dollars
chasing too few goods.
Of course I remembered that, but I hadn't seen any shortage of bread, peanut butter and firewood lately.
It's more complicated than that,
Ziegler
explained. If people like you have too much money in
your pockets, you might spend it.
But what about people who aren't like me?
If, say, Bill Gates has an extra $10 billion at the
end of the year, he'll invest it. That makes the economy
more productive, and so it's not inflationary if he makes
more money. But for you and other peons -- well, we just
can't trust you with money. It's not good for the economy
if you have an extra $500 at the end of the year. You'd
just waste it, and that would drive up prices, which would
cause inflation that made dollars less valuable, thereby
reducing the net worth of various important
portfolios.
I pressed Ziegler for more.
Rising employment? It sounds good on Main Street,
but on Wall Street, it means that peons would want more
money, and might even be able to get it in a tight labor
market. And as I pointed out, that's putting money into
the wrong hands.
So some people are supposed to have money, and most of us aren't?
You got it. This increase in petroleum prices is a
another good sign. More money for sheiks that are already
wealthy, less for you peons. It's a necessary adjustment
for the good of the national and world economy, just like
the increase in your house payment -- more money for the
bank and its big depositors, who can be trusted, and less
for you, who can't.
So how could I become a trustworthy person who deserves to benefit from these economic adjustments, rather than a peon who hurts the economy whenever he has a spare dollar?
There's a limit to how much I'm allowed to tell
you,
he said. But let me give you a hint. It will
happen at about the same time that a presidential election
doesn't turn on who has the most money.
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