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Tourism is a major industry in Colorado, and since the state and local governments rely so much on the sales tax -- to which tourists contribute heavily -- it makes financial sense that the state uses tax money for promoting tourism to Colorado.
It fits with the run government like a business
attitude -- invest some money in promotion, in order to
reap greater rewards if the promotion works.
And so, the Colorado Tourism Office has been working
with PRACO, an advertising agency, to develop this summer's
ad campaign. It continues the I'd rather be in
Colorado
theme, but offers specific times when certain
memorable events will occur.
For instance, at 7:30 p.m. on June 26, 2001, I'll probably be out to dinner with Martha, since that's our wedding anniversary, and it would be a memorable occasion indeed in our household if I forgot about that.
But for Colorado promotional purposes, there will be an ad which features a family gathered around the campfire as the sun sets into the majestic Rocky Mountains on June 26, 2001, and that's a memorable event that they'd miss if they weren't in Colorado.
Of course, if next summer is dry and windy like last summer, the campfire will be illegal because the governor and the county sheriffs have banned all outdoor combustion.
Thus the tourist family's scrapbook of their 2001 Colorado summer vacation will include a citation and the receipt for the fine. This entry may also include papers related to a civil lawsuit filed by a nearby homeowners' association, alleging mental suffering and anguish on account of the resident's worry that the campfire smoke represented the start of a wildfire that could consume dozens of trophy homes.
That would be a memorable Colorado vacation moment. It also makes me wonder whether the ad campaign will feature other likely scenarios:
May 17, 2001: Just after the snow melts from the lower mountains, a happy young couple hikes in the greening foothills of the Front Range west of Boulder.
A woodtick leaps from a trailside willow onto the man's sleeve and finds its way to his armpit, where it attaches and starts engorging itself with his blood.
Since the tourist marketing campaign had not advised these visitors to conduct tick inspections, he breaks into a high fever two days later, and spends the rest of his vacation delirious in an expensive hospital room. Upon recovery, he agrees that it was indeed a memorable trip to Colorado, except he can't remember much of it.
She doesn't remember much, either, after the lightning bolt that seemed to appear from nowhere, but at least they're both alive.
July 4, 2001: Eager to visit the majestic Rocky Mountains, a Nebraska family stops for gas and a meal in Denver, then gets on westbound Interstate 70. It's bumper-to-bumper at the Wadsworth Boulevard interchange, and by Kipling, it's stop and go, but mostly stop.
After nine hours, they memorably cross the Continental Divide in the Eisenhower Tunnel. Upon reaching Silverthorne seven miles and an hour later, they decide to turn around and head back to Nebraska, since they've got to be back by Monday, and at this rate, the aspen will be turning before they can see the Maroon Bells.
August 27, 2001: Inspired by those exciting ads on TV that show drivers merrily racing their Explorers and Blazers along narrow shelf roads and across tumbling creeks so they can park atop a stunning precipice and feel like they own the world, four guys from Texas head north into the San Juan Mountains of Colorado.
The first spewt gets crosswise in a ford and sinks so that water gets sucked into the engine. After winching it to shore, they proceed in the surviving vehicles, one of which succumbs to gravity while on a shelf road with a major side-tilt caused by a rockslide. The last two vehicles end up above timberline in a rough and rocky spot where the drivers finally realize that they can go neither forward nor backward, and they're in a wilderness area where they weren't supposed to be driving, anyway.
It costs them upward of $25,000 to engage an outfitter who can disassemble the vehicles and haul the pieces down with string of sturdy pack mules.
When interviewed later, however, they agree that their trip to Colorado was the most memorable event of their young lives.
Oct. 24, 2001: The Colorado Tourism Board, after being
successfully sued several times for engaging in
deceptive advertising deliberately designed to obscure the
very real risks of venturing into the Rocky Mountains,
votes to terminate this memorable events
campaign.
Next year's theme, the board decides, will be more
truthful, along the lines of Are you tough, patient, and
rich? Then maybe you can handle Colorado. Remember, it's
not for everybody.
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