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How we should go to war with Afghanistan

Published 30 September 2001 in the Denver Post.
Copyright ©2001 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

After terrorists killed about 7,000 people in the United States by hijacking airliners and steering them into buildings, a war on terrorism sounded like a good idea.

But it's turned out to be more complicated than that. For one thing, if the war extends to people who provide financial support for terrorist organizations, then we could have a civil war on our hands.

Why? Consider the Irish Republican Army, which performs terrorist activities, like bombing civilians.

Now note that the IRA gets about $1.5 million a year from Americans. Should the federal government pursue this, and round up all Americans who ever donated to that cause? Or every Miami exile who has supported any effort to remove Fidel Castro from Cuba?

That gets tricky, and when we get to terrorist states, the distinctions get even more difficult to make. Our most steadfast ally in the Middle East is Israel, which was founded in 1948 in what had been the British protectorate of Palestine.

Now consider what Encyclopedia Britannica has to say about the Zionists who founded Israel. During the last years of World War II, the Irgunists and Sternists (two Zionist groups) began resorting to terror to remind the British of their commitment to Zionism. By May 13, 1948, Zionist forces had secured full control of the Jewish share of Palestine, captured important positions in the areas allotted to the Arabs, and committed atrocities in a number of spots to frighten the Arab population away.

That certainly sounds like terrorism at work. And the United States isn't about to go to war against Israel.

So it's just as well that President George W. Bush has refined the goal from the global elimination of terrorism to a more specific problem.

By all accounts, that problem is an organization known as al Qaeda, which is led by Asama bin Laden, who is sheltered by the Taliban rulers of Afghanistan -- the same people we armed and trained 20 years ago to resist a Soviet invasion of their country.

It turns out that there are some things worse than communism, like rule by despotic religious fanatics who believe that women have absolutely no rights, not even to go out in public.

But what to do about them? Afghanistan is as landlocked as Colorado, so a naval blockade isn't an effective option. We own the skies, but cruise missiles and bombers aren't going to do much damage to people who already live in caves, in a country where just about everything worth hitting has already been smashed. A ground war? The Soviet Union was right next door with a big army when it sent infantry into Afghanistan in 1979, and the defeated Soviets withdrew a decade later after suffering 15,000 battle deaths.

Beyond the inevitable casualties, there are other risks to military action. One is that collateral damage will make it look like a war between the United States and Islam in general, thereby making more enemies. Another is that we don't know what other terrorists may be lurking in this country, waiting for a signal to perform other atrocities against us as we attempt to go about our daily lives.

This leaves an option that deserves further exploration. Observe that our most powerful export is not military, but cultural -- the blue jeans, rock 'n' roll and Coca-Cola that eventually forced another puritanical regime, the Soviet Union, to collapse. Also observe that this aspect of America -- our generally secular pursuit of happiness way of life -- is what bin Laden appears to hate most about us.

So why don't we start by bombing Afghanistan, not with high explosives, but with those hand-cranked radios that don't need batteries or power lines? And as soon as we start dropping the radios, we put a satellite over Afghanistan that broadcasts decadent hedonistic American music around the clock.

Sure, the Taliban will issue death decrees against anyone caught with a radio, but those edicts will not be universally heeded. Then we can start dropping clothes, the more revealing the better, along with posters and magazines. And then junk food and boom boxes, along with scrip to buy more of all this stuff.

Where will they buy it? That's Phase 2, as construction battalions come in from one of our new border allies, like Pakistan or Uzbekistan. They build highways, along with convenience stores and big boxes and franchise strip malls, and old U.S. cars go to the cause, instead of to the crushers.

Of course that would be expensive, but probably not as expensive as regular warfare. It would take time, but we know that we're not going to see overnight results in any case. And this method, unlike conventional warfare, will pretty well guarantee that the Taliban will no longer exercise any meaningful control in Afghanistan.

As recent history demonstrates, when people get a choice between purity and the American way, purity loses. All we've got to do is put the choice in front of them.


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