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Minutes of a meeting that never happened

Published 30 April 2002 in The Denver Post
Copyright ©2002 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

A special meeting of the Commission for the Assignment of Wildfire Responsibility in Western Jefferson and Eastern Park Counties was called to order by President Kendall Burns at 7 p.m. on April 29, 2002. All five commissioners were present when the roll was called.

There being no old business, President Burns called for suggestions about assigning responsibility for the recent Snaking Fire, especially its extent.

Commissioner Theodore Smokey Behar said it would be best to attempt to assign all blame to the federal government, since it had pursued a policy of fire suppression in the nearby national forests, thereby increasing the fuel load, and making fires larger and hotter than they might otherwise have been.

Chairman Burns said that while this was convenient, the Commission should keep several factors in mind during its deliberations. One was that some residents of the area served by the commission had opposed other fire-management policies, such as logging and controlled burns. Thus it would not be prudent to criticize the federal government for acting in accord with the wishes of our residents.

The Chairman also noted that after Sept. 11, Americans appear to have lost some of their hostility toward the federal government, and thus it may no longer be a convenient scapegoat. He suggested that other alternatives be considered, although this was always a good last resort.

Commissioner Amenity Lott agreed that it would be wise to look elsewhere. In her business as a realty agent, she said, parcels that were adjacent to National Forest or other public land generally commanded a premium. If we blame the feds for the fire, she explained, then people would quit wanting lots in the foothills amid federal land because they would be afraid that fires would destroy their homes. Instead, they might live in town, which could lead to a terrible economic collapse.

Asked to explain that prediction, Ms. Lott pointed out that commuting from our area kept many car dealers in business, and that for all she knew, our need for gasoline to commute was one of the mainstays of American defense policy and we all had to do our part to support the military during wartime by giving the soldiers and sailors a reason to operate.

Commissioner Mike Carr questioned her logic, saying that he knew for a fact that terrorism was financed by people who bought controlled substances, not by the good American commuters on U.S. 285 who supported the economy with their purchases of spewts, gasoline, repairs, tires and insurance, not to mention well-drilling, septic-tank maintenance.

He apparently had more to say, but President Burns said we were straying far from the topic of this meeting, to wit, finding someone to blame for last week's fire, as well as preparing a list of others who might be blamed for other wildfires that are almost certain to come later in this dry, windy year.

It would be best, he said, if we were prepared, or otherwise the public might blame us for deliberately placing our homes in harm's way, then expecting the taxpayers to bail us out whenever trouble came. Indeed, he added, there were critics who dared to call our neighborhoods a Stupid Zone where people should build at their own risk and receive no governmental services if they insisted on living in such places.

All agreed that this would be prudent to silence such criticism by having a scapegoat handy in the future, but that the Commission's immediate need was for one or more parties to blame for the Snaking Fire.

Commissioner Sylvia Greene-Brown observed that the dry winter, followed by an unseasonably warm spring with frequent desiccating winds, was likely the true culprit.

Commissioner Lott agreed, but observed that this could be construed as something that residents should have been prepared for, and a blame the victim mentality could develop. For public-relations purposes, she said, a definite party should be identified and, if necessary, local law-enforcement should be called to assist in identification and prosecution.

Commissioner Carr pointed out that a previous effort, to blame the Buffalo Creek Fire on drug-addled students from an alternative school who were on a camping trip, had not been an unqualified success.

Commissioner Behar said it had worked well enough, that attention had been diverted away from our construction and development patterns, and that was all we really needed. Commissioner Greene-Brown said he was right, and the best people to blame were teenagers -- perhaps ones playing with illegal fireworks.

Commissioner Lott said fireworks probably wouldn't fly in April, but that throughout the school year, some kids sneaked out to smoke cigarettes, and that in today's anti-tobacco environment, they would make perfect culprits.

It was so moved by her, seconded by Commissioner Carr, and approved unanimously. There being no further business, the meeting was adjourned at 8:34 p.m.


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