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It was a pleasant surprise recently when I read that we civilians can assist with Homeland Security in case of an attack.
Not that I'd been real worried about an attack. During World War II, Salida was a significant railroad junction, where trains were dispatched to important defense production facilities like the Monarch Quarry (limestone for the steel mills in Pueblo), Crested Butte (coal for the steel mills in Pueblo) and Climax Molybdenum (molybdenum hardens steel for better armor and cannon barrels). On that account, I have been told, soldiers patrolled constantly to guard against potential sabotage in this area.
But that was 60 years ago, and this time around, Salida is not an important place. It does not have a population concentration, famous people do not cavort here and nothing nearby is of symbolic value (the closest National Monument, soon to be a National Park, is the Great Sand Dunes, and the dunes are so expendable that they were a leading candidate for the test site for the first atomic bomb in 1945).
Even so, it never hurts to be prepared, and some of us felt rather prescient when the Homeland Security Administration announced that people should keep plastic and duct tape on hand, so that windows could be sealed if terrorists dispersed anthrax or the like.
This is a familiar drill if you're an economically challenged rural resident. We went through it every fall, along about Halloween, at our first house in Salida (the current house has decent storm windows, except on the back porch, where plastic remains in use).
Granted, we were trying to keep out cold air, rather
than anthrax spores, but the principle is the same, and I
wish they'd consulted me so I could pass on my experience
with what were then known as Reaganomics Storm
Windows.
Initially, I tried the suggested Homeland Security method -- plastic on the interior, held up by duct tape. It doesn't work well because duct tape is made to be wrapped around ducts; the adhesive doesn't hold well when the tape is run along the flat seam between plastic and wall (or window frame).
Thus, to get everything to stay up, you need a heavy-duty staple gun, and the resulting staple holes, along with the gouge marks that result when you remove staples with fencing pliers, make a mess of the window frame, which means filler and paint when you could be drinking beer with your friends and discussing how safe you feel now that there's a Department of Homeland Security.
Interior plastic is also subject to attack by cats, projectile toys and curious toddlers.
To be sure, some people live in apartments far above ground level, and they'll need to apply plastic on the interior. But for the rest of us, exterior plastic works better. Don't mess with duct tape, except for patching when the wind blows sharp twigs that tear the plastic.
Instead, staple the plastic in place, then frame the plastic with narrow wood slats. If you can afford it, flat screen molding from the lumber yard works well; if you're scrounging, a cabinet shop's scrap pile is a good place to start.
This will make almost any drafty old house somewhat secure, but it raises a question I haven't seen in the security information. If you make the place so tight that spores can't enter, won't you eventually run out of oxygen and die of suffocation? And if you're getting fresh air from some exterior source, aren't you still in danger?
Better not to wonder about such matters, I suppose. Instead, I pondered whether any of our other small-town ways might, like window plastic, be of some use for homeland security.
There are many woodpiles, for instance. Most are neatly stacked, but there are a quite a few like mine. Having cordwood on hand does make you feel more secure about getting through a utility disruption that could result from terrorism. But I can't imagine this administration promoting wood heat for homeland security, since good Americans should rely on multi-national oil companies.
Some of my fellow Salidans store old tires in their yards. I had thought it was just because they didn't care to spend the $3 tire-disposal fee, but then again, if the terrorists launch a mosquito attack, the tires could be ignited to produce smudge to repel the insects.
Many local yards also have junkpiles, usually near the alley. And for all I know, there might come a time when our homeland security will require half a bedframe, a rusted tractor seat, a cream separator, a wheelbarrow that has no wheel or a gas barbecue with a dead burner.
Not that I know how these items might improve Homeland Security, but until recently, I didn't know that the plastic on our windows could have anything to do with national defense, either.
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