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Our legislature is still in session, so perhaps there will be time for it to do the job properly. As you may recall, much legislative attention has been focused on the protection of children -- not from disease or injury, but from exposure to racy material.
One bill introduced by Rep. Debbie Stafford, an ordained minister and auctioneer from Arapahoe County, would require public libraries to put filters on any computers that children might use to access the Internet.
The filters would keep minors from material that is
harmful to their beneficial development as responsible
adults and citizens
because it appeals to a prurient
interest in nudity, sex, or excretion.
Another bill was introduced by Rep. Ted Harvey, a
mortgage banker from Douglas County. It was inspired after
he visited a Virgin Records store. Instead of finding
virgins in the movie aisle, he found blatant
triple-X-rated covers right there at eye level for any
5-year-old to see.
And so he sponsored a bill which makes it a crime for
any person, in displaying in a commercial establishment
any materials that are harmful to minors, to fail to take
commercially feasible measures to prevent the display of
the materials to minors.
Harvey's bill then goes on to define what harms minors, and it's the same sort of stuff that Rep. Stafford wants blocked from children in libraries.
Have you seen a shred of evidence that minors are harmed by anything they might look at? But for sake of argument, let us assume that children really do suffer from such exposure, just as Reps. Stafford and Harvey claim.
In that case, our legislature has really fallen down on the job. since there's a lot more that should be hidden from the eyes of children.
We can start with our geography. Stafford and Harvey
should take a road trip to Durango on one of these nice
weekends. After they pass through Pagosa Springs, they will
observe a natural prominence called Chimney Rock
on
the south side of Highway 160.
But no one I know has ever said it resembled a chimney.
It looks more like what Rep. Harvey calls human male
genitals in a discernibly turgid position.
The lewd and provocative Grand Tetons are in Wyoming,
beyond the reach of our legislature, but we do have
Granny's Nipple, right next to U.S. 40 northwest of
Kremmling. We also have a pair of mountains near Trinidad
still known by their Indian name, Wahatoya,
which
translates as Breasts of the Earth.
Rep. Harvey also has a problem with uncovered, or
less than opaquely covered ... buttocks.
Every time
I've floated down Brown's Canyon, the guide has cheerfully
pointed out a rock formation known as the Moon over the
Arkansas.
Just how we will address these offenses if Harvey's bill
becomes law is a good question, since no person
is
responsible for our landscape, and yet the legislature has
taken up the duty to protect children from looking at
suggestive material.
Perhaps high roadside barriers would be in order. For a permanent solution, the state could borrow a method from the Taliban, and dynamite the offensive features, just as all the ancient Buddhist statues in Afghanistan were destroyed three years ago.
Yet that wouldn't be enough to protect our children. If suggestive features are harmful, then the real thing must be devastating.
And if you drive by a cattle pen at the wrong time, your children might see not only bulls and cows in action, but also steers mounting steers and cows mounting cows -- explicit homosexual acts.
It might be even worse that some tourist operators in
Estes Park advertise for fall family visits to see and hear
the magnificent bugling elk.
We all know why elk
bugle -- so why isn't the legislature acting to protect our
children from that depraved and disgusting spectacle, and
to bring justice to the predators who promote venery for
profit?
Our legislature clearly has a long way to go before we can feel comfortable even allowing our children to glance out a car window on a Sunday afternoon ride, let alone taking them on a walk in the woods or a raft trip down the river.
Some people profess to enjoy our wildlife and scenery just as they are now -- but when it comes to protecting Colorado children, it appears that we will all need to make sacrifices.
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