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It's time for us to help the beleaguered and confused Republican establishment in Colorado. They're having trouble coming up with a candidate for the U.S. Senate seat now held by Ben Campbell.
For a while, it appeared they might settle on former Rep. Bob Schaffer, who represented Colorado's 4th District in Congress for six years, from 1997 to 2003.
There's a lot to like about Shaffer. He was opposed to pork-barrel spending, and not just in the other guy's district -- he turned down highway funds for his own congressional district, and he ran his office so frugally that he consistently returned money to the U.S. Treasury.
Further, when he ran for Congress the first time in 1996, he promised to serve only three terms, and he kept his word. Despite all manner of pressure from the White House to renege, he stepped aside in 2002.
Any man who believes that keeping his word to Colorado voters is more important than genuflecting to Karl Rove is a man who deserves respect and serious consideration.
And finally, we should note that in leaving congress, he performed a valuable service to Colorado. Marilyn Musgrave was elected to take his place, which means we got her out of our state and put her in Washington, where she can blather loudly but harmlessly.
Despite all those Schaffer virtues, our Republicans, led by Owens, suffered from second thoughts. Now they appear to be lining up behind Peter Coors, the beer baron of Golden.
Peter's father, Joe Coors, was a man of pronounced right-leaning political convictions. But we don't know much about Pete's politics.
I would be skeptical about any campaign ads he ran, though, just because I've had trouble believing the TV ads for Coors beer.
Since I was about 16 and big enough to step up to a package-store counter and pretend I was of age, I have enjoyed consuming Coors products.
But in all those years, I have never had an experience remotely resembling that promised by the advertisements. That is, scantily clad young women with huge breasts have never approached me and hinted that I was an irresistible force, despite all those pitchers of Original Coors, Coors Light and, preferably, Killian's Red.
Doubtless there are women who find those ads so offensive that they will mobilize against Peter Coors. And there must be other guys who feel disappointed that the product never delivered.
So the Republicans may need to look for another candidate. The ideal candidate, it appears, would be someone who has or can easily raise money. He would have Colorado connections and good name recognition.
One name leaps to mind: Neil Bush, a younger brother of the President.
Neil lived in Colorado in the early 1980s. Douglas Wead, a Bush family friend who wrote a book about presidential families, said that Neil and his brothers discussed a plan then. George W. would run for governor in Texas, Jeb in Florida, and Neil in Colorado.
Back then, Neil also talked about running for Congress from Colorado, so a senate run now should fit well with the family's dynastic strategy, and that certainly can't hurt our Republicans.
As for raising money, Neil is a genius. In 1982, he formed JNB Exploration, an oil-exploration company that never found a drop of oil. Even so, he paid himself $120,000 a year, and JNB borrowed millions from Silverado Savings & Loan -- of which he was a director.
Silverado's bankruptcy cost American taxpayers $1.3 billion, but that's beside the point here. Neil is also a smart modern businessman -- his current company, an educational firm called Ignite!, has already out-sourced jobs to Mexico.
Not only does Neil have Colorado connections, money-raising prowess and business experience, he is experienced in foreign affairs, which is important because the U.S. Senate ratifies treaties. According to his divorce deposition, he had several foreign affairs in Thailand and Hong Kong after women came to his hotel rooms.
He could probably do a good job for us in the Senate. As it is, we have to put up with oil and gas drilling rigs in orchards and wilderness study areas. In Florida, where brother Jeb is governor, the feds bought back oil and gas leases to protect swamps and beaches.
Surely Neil could do as much to protect for Colorado, and besides, he even seems to have a touch of that Clinton charisma. With so much going for him, why can't our Republicans see the obvious, and unite behind this ideal candidate?
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