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Most New Year punditry either reviews the old year or
offers predictions for the coming year. But the more I
thought about what might happen in 2006, the more I worried
about things that I didn't want to happen. And so, I offer
this list of Stories that I don't want to read in
2006.
· After the New York Times revealed the existence
of pre-emptive detention centers
for American
citizens who are known to be insufficiently motivated to
pursue the war on terror,
President George W. Bush
promised a thorough and exhaustive investigation to find
out who violated our precious National Security by leaking
this information.
The President said the camps were an important part of
the struggle to protect the rights and liberties of
Americans from those who would do us harm.
As for the
leakers, what ever possessed them to think that the
American people have any right to know what is done in
their name and with their money?
Several congressional critics questioned the
constitutionality of locking up people without trials or
any sort of due process, just based on information gathered
by National Security Agency wiretaps, but the President
said his actions were based on a sacred principle much
older than the Constitution.
A White House spokesman
later explained that Bush was invoking the divine right
of kings.
· Colorado Republicans began a serious search for a new gubernatorial candidate yesterday after the first debate between Marc Holtzman and Bob Beauprez, the only two announced candidates.
Holtzman and Beauprez spent two hours on live television, each accusing the other of lukewarm opposition to Referendum C in 2005, and each proclaiming that he was viscerally more opposed to Referendum C than the other guy. The only thing they both agreed on was that Gov. Bill Owens should be excommunicated for supporting Referendum C.
A state party official, speaking on condition of
anonymity, said They're arguing about which one was more
against something that a majority of Colorado voters were
for. That might win a primary, but we'd get hosed in the
general election if we put one of them up. The only way we
can maintain the governorship is to find a new candidate
immediately, one who respects the voters instead of
implying that they were really stupid last year.
· After hearing two weeks of testimony from the Motion Picture Association of America, the Recording Industry Association of America, the Software and Information Industry Association, and the National Association of Broadcasters, the U.S. Congress passed the Enhanced Digital Copyright Protection Act.
Its main provision will require all American computers
to run under the new Windows Vista operating system from
Microsoft. As one legislator explained, Windows Vista
has built-in respect for copy-protection systems on
distributed media. Further, it will probably crash or
lock-up before anyone could complete a copy operation
anyway, which makes it much more secure. By making Linux,
OS/X, BSD and other operating systems illegal, we can fully
protect valuable intellectual property.
In a separate and non-related announcement, Microsoft
announced it will sue several municipalities, including two
in Colorado, for infringing on its new trademark. We
realize it will cause some inconvenience to the people of
Monte Vista and Buena Vista to have to change the names of
their towns,
a company lawyer said, but they have to
realize that the word Vista belongs to us now, and besides,
it is our understanding that everyone calls them 'Buny' and
'Monty' anyway.
· Rep. Richard Pombo, a California Republican,
succeeded yesterday in attaching a rider to a defense
appropriations bill which, he says, will reform the
Endangered Species Act to protect the rights of
landowners.
As before, species will be listed as threatened
or endangered,
but once species are listed, the
procedure will change, and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife
Service will offer bounties for pelts or certified
specimens.
Participation will be voluntary,
a Pombo
spokesman said, but we expect most landowners will want
to join in this process of assisting Mother Nature. After
all, extinction is a natural process, and it behooves all
of us, as residents of this planet, to help the process
along. And the cost for bounties should be minimal, since
these species are, by definition, quite rare.
Pombo's rider also allows for oil exploration and drilling on all federal land, including wilderness areas, coastal zones and national parks.
The bill passed the House, and Senate approval is likely, since few senators will want to go on record as opposing a defense appropriation while American forces are in combat. As Senate debate began, Vice-President Dick Cheney assured congressional leaders that the military will soon complete its mission of bringing freedom to Bolivia and Venezuela.
Remember, these are not predictions. They're things that I don't want to happen in 2006. In the past, I've made goofy, wild and crazy predictions, and all too often they came true. So I'm trying a different course for 2006.
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