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The news from the nation's capital was worrisome. Team Bush, which had led America from peace and prosperity into our current condition, was falling apart. Deeply concerned, I tried to reach my favorite inside source: Ananias Ziegler, media relations director for the Committee That Really Runs America.
I was on the road, so far from home that I was in a place where water actually fell out of the sky on a routine basis, so I had trouble connecting with Ziegler, who was also traveling. But eventually we quit playing telephone tag.
What's with the new press secretary?
I began.
Tony Snow doesn't fit.
What do you mean, doesn't fit?
Ziegler sputtered.
He wrote speeches for President Bush the Elder and he
worked for the most 'fair and balanced' television network
of all time. So how could he not fit?
By and large,
I pointed out, Bush sticks with
people who owe their careers to him. People you never would
have heard of if they hadn't received jobs from Bush. I
mean, who would have heard of Ari Fleischer or Scott
McClellan without their White House positions? Tony Snow is
somebody I've heard of, somebody with his own career
outside the Bush machine. Doesn't that strike you as odd?
Or is it a sign of how desperate the President must feel
these days?
Desperate?
Ziegler parried. The president is
relaxed and in full control of the situation. Unemployment
is down, and he's announced a plan to reduce gasoline
prices.
And federal spending is out of control,
I pointed
out. This brave leader of the free world has for some
reason been too scared to veto a single piece of
pork-barrel legislation, his big Social Security reform is
dead, the Iraqis still haven't welcomed us with open arms
and they're not even close to producing enough oil to pay
for the costs of reconstruction. Even when Bush has been
right about things, with his immigration-reform proposals
and the Dubai port terminal sale, he's lost the political
battles.
Ziegler cut me off. You guys always focus on the
negative. Remember, you wanted to ask me about White House
personnel changes, and now you're trying to get me to
comment on irrelevant matters. So let's stay on topic
here.
I started to gather my thoughts, but Ziegler
interrupted. And remember, I don't want to hear anything
from you about how rodents behave on sinking ships.
He read my mind. So I tried to be polite. Okay, most
presidents have a staff overhaul at some point, especially
in their second term. But there really has been quite an
exodus, including a new chief of staff.
Ziegler agreed, but pointed out that Karl Rove was still
at work. I noticed that,
I said, but he's just
handling the political end now, and won't have much to do
with policy. Is that because his policy work hasn't been
all that good?
You're always trying to put a negative spin on
things, aren't you?
Ziegler objected. You'll agree,
I'm sure, that Rove is a genius at nuts and bolts
politics.
He does seem to do well with the nuts,
I
agreed.
Quit trying to be cute,
Ziegler grumped.
Here's the deal. We have a midterm election coming up,
and to be honest, things don't look good at this point. Our
poll numbers are terrible. Think about what could happen if
the wrong party got control of one house of
congress.
That didn't sound so terrible to me, and I told Ziegler that.
Obviously, you haven't thought it through. The
majority party chairs the committees and sets their
agendas. If they get in power, even to that degree, they
will launch investigation after investigation after
investigation. The House and Senate could rediscover their
constitutional roles of providing checks and balances to
the executive branch,
They'll be looking at domestic wire-tapping. They'll
go after secret CIA prisons in eastern Europe -- they might
even make a hero out of the traitor who dropped the dime on
that one -- and at no-bid contracts in Iraq, and at federal
land sales and drilling leases and just dozens of other
things that Americans really don't need to know more
about.
That was a frightening thoughts, especially considering what we've already learned, and I told Ziegler that.
Now you know why it's important that Karl devote
full-time attention to the political side,
Ziegler
said. The future of America as we have come to know it
depends on these mid-term elections, and he's the man to
make sure they come out the right way.
On that cheerful note, I wished him well, hung up, and went looking for a saloon, for I felt strongly in need of some strong drink.
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