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Confused, as I often am, by the news from our nation's capital, I called my favorite inside source: Ananias Ziegler, media relations director of the Committee That Really Runs America.
He apologized for his delay in coming to the phone. He had been busy looking for a way to transfer Dick Wadhams back to Colorado to revive the Bob Beauprez campaign, but George Allen's re-election campaign in Virginia was deemed more vital to the Committee.
In the big picture, losing a governorship in one of
those big square states out west isn't nearly as important
as retaining control of the House and Senate,
Ziegler
explained.
That was disappointing news, since it was so entertaining and educational to watch Wadhams operate in the back rooms of Colorado politics. Wadhams is so good that he got Wayne Allard elected twice to the U.S. Senate.
So this means the Colorado GOP is operating without
its brain this year?
I asked.
Decide for yourself,
Ziegler snorted. In 2004,
Wadhams worked South Dakota to unseat Tom Daschle, and he
did it. Back in Colorado then, the Democrats took both
house of the legislature, as well as a U.S. Senate and
House seat that had been Republican. And this year, has
Beauprez done one intelligent thing? Said anything that he
didn't have to apologize for? Hell, he can't get any
traction and he's running against a lawyer.
But he's a banker,
I pointed out. Those aren't
exactly the two most popular professions.
We should talk.
Ziegler chuckled. You're a
journalist and I'm in public relations. Now, let's get back
to the big picture, control of Congress. Do you realize
what could happen if the wrong people get a majority in
either house?
The country might avoid bankrupcy?
I
speculated.
No, you fool, that's not it. If the other party got
control in Congress, then they could start investigations
of all sorts of things that nobody cares about, such as
no-bid contracts in Iraq, spying on American citizens
without warrants, secret prisons all over the world, stuff
that would really tie the president's hands.
That would be a problem,
I agreed. I remember
back in the '90s when Alfonse D'Amato, he was a Republican
senator from New York, said he wanted to see a Republican
majority so there could be continual investigations of
Whitewater, Vincent Foster's death and pork-belly futures,
thus occupying the President and his advisers, and thereby
blocking his political agenda.
D'Amato was right, too,
Ziegler agreed. The
Clinton agenda really got derailed. Right away we saved you
from the horror of national health insurance, and though
it's taken a while, we've restored the blessings of a huge
annual budget deficit. Now, you wouldn't want to see our
wartime president's policies subjected to congressional
hearings, would you?
That would be horrible,
I agreed. What came
out of those hearings could really damage American prestige
and moral authority throughout the world.
That's not what I meant,
Ziegler said. We need
to all stand together for what this country stands
for.
Sounds good to me,
I said. Things like a
nation of laws, not of men. Due process, the right to
confront your accusers and see the evidence against you,
court-approved warrants for searches and electronic
surveillance, abiding by the Geneva Conventions -- I
certainly want our country to stand tall for those good
old-fashioned American values. Count me in.
Ziegler snorted. You never seem to get it, do you?
Whose side are you on here, anyway?
Truth, justice and the American way,
I responded,
somewhat flippantly.
Someday you'll grow up and realize that those aren't
necessarily the same thing,
Ziegler said. He sounded
ready to dismiss me, but I got in another question.
Will the President come out to Colorado to campaign
for Beauprez?
I asked.
Ziegler laughed. Even without Wadhams around to call
the shots, Republicans aren't that stupid -- I
hope.
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