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Several weeks ago, another news organization asked me if I wanted to go to the Democratic National Convention and blog, which is a major challenge for a print guy who prefers some time for contemplation before going to the keyboard.
On one hand, there was home at its best time of year, the river low and clear, the big peaks shining in the crystalline air. Opposed to that pleasant prospect in Salida were large crowds and tight security. It sounded a lot like being stuck for four days in an airport, and that's not something I'd wish on Dick Cheney, let alone volunteer for. And besides, you see it all on TV anyway.
Well, no, you don't, unless you watch on CSPAN. Then you would have seen Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer's delightful speech. On the other cable channels, it was talking heads, interrupted occasionally by speakers whom they deemed significant, followed by in-depth analysis of every intake breath, shift in pitch or volume, hand movement, rhetorical emphasis, omission of what the commenter thought should have been said, etc.
Now, I have nothing against punditry, and I realize that exhortations to the party faithful can be about as exciting as waiting for an oil change, but if they have to chatter, couldn't they at least be interesting? I yearned for something along these lines:
Britt, are you sure that's Michelle Obama up
there?
Why do you ask?
She's not wearing a dashiki and she's not waving a
Kalashnikov. Besides that, I'm not even sure we're at the
right convention.
Trust me on this. We are.
Then why do they keep talking about families,
parents, children, veterans? They look way too normal.
Where are they hiding the meth-head tattooed bisexual
America-hating welfare-cheat San Franciscans who are the
real base of the party?
They can't fool us by pretending to look like
Americans. Now for some more fair and balanced coverage
from Hooter's.
CLICK.
Keith, did you notice how Bill Clinton said Obama 'is
the man for this job'?
Indeed I did, Chris. Doesn't that imply that there's
a woman whom he believes would be the best person for the
job, but of the men available, Obama is the best?
It's more than an implication. It's a subtle nod to
all four PUMAs we've been able to interview in order to
drive our narrative that this is a bitterly divided,
down-to-the-last-out contest with a convention that will
fail to unify the party.
CLICK
Wolf, I just interviewed a Westerner who said there
was a dog-whistle message hidden in New Mexico Gov. Bill
Richardson's statement that a few days again, he'd been
with Sen. Hillary Clinton, campaigning for Sen. Obama in
Espanola, N.M.
Anderson, you're going to have to explain why that's
significant.
My informant told me that Espanola has the reputation
of being kind of an armpit place, and it's the butt of
dozens of jokes they tell out here. So if Hillary was
willing to go to Espanola, it means her support of Barack
is much more sincere and energetic than we had previously
surmised.
CLICK
When the conservatives are calling Obama 'The One,'
are they mocking him, or are they really trying to tie him
to an unpopular president? After all, Richard Nixon's 1968
campaign slogan was 'Nixon's the one.'
Maybe that's what the 'Recreate '68' people outside
are referring to. Let's go ask them.
CLICK
But instead, the pundits managed to be more boring than many of the speeches they didn't want us to hear.
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