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When I answered the phone, I thought it was just another survey because I was asked about trusting the federal government. But then I recognized the voice: Lt. Col. Ananias Ziegler, ret., media relations director of the Committee That Really Runs America.
"Almost had you there for a minute," he chuckled. "I bet you're among the 78 percent of Americans who don't trust the federal government and feel frustrated or angry."
"Of course I'm in that group," I said. "But I'm not sure the Pew Survey that everyone's citing lately means all that much."
"Why's that?" Ziegler inquired.
"Because I spent several years answering calls from irate people at small-town newspapers. And truth be told, most people don't know local from state from federal government. They want to blame their U.S. senators if they get a city parking ticket, and the local school board if they don't like an arms-reduction treaty. To them, it's all 'the damn government.'"
Ziegler interrupted. "That certainly demonstrates the dismal quality of the education provided by government schools. But what about you personally? Do you find the federal government trustworthy?"
"How could I?" I responded. "I just saw Texas Governor Rick Perry on the cover of Newsweek. And yet in the Transcontinental Treaty of 1819, the United States promised to 'renounce forever' any claim to Texas. And Texas is in the United States. See how little you can trust the federal government?"
Ziegler said we should change the subject, lest hard-core Texans get any ideas, since "you're sitting on land that was once claimed as part of the Republic of Texas."
"But Texas ceded it in 1850," I pointed out. "You're implying that I can't trust that government, either."
He shifted the conversation back to the federal government. "Since you're a history buff, I'm sure you can find scores of violated treaties with Native American nations promising them land as long as the sky was blue and the rivers flowed," he said.
"In Colorado over the years, we've done a pretty good job of damming and diverting rivers so they don't flow, and thus it could be argued that the treaty terms have been honored," I argued.
"Never thought of it that way," Ziegler conceded. "So there are grounds to trust the federal government."
"Not so fast," I cautioned. "Back in the 1920s, H.L. Mencken observed that the only provision of the Bill of Rights that had never been violated by the federal government was the Third Amendment, which forbids quartering soldiers in private homes during times of peace without the consent of the owner."
Ziegler mulled for a moment. "That may have changed. What about undercover drug informants? They sometimes stay in people's houses, and they could be construed as soldiers in the struggle against various chemicals and plants."
"So you could make the case that every single provision has been violated by the federal government," I said. "But what I want to know is whether anybody can trust the federal government."
"That's a silly question," Ziegler said. "Of course our federal government can be trusted in certain matters."
"How's that?" I wondered.
"In more than two centuries, the United States Treasury has never defaulted on any bond payment," Ziegler pointed out. "Our treasury bills and notes are the most secure investments in the world."
"So if you're rich enough to be loaning money to the federal government, you can absolutely trust it?" I responded.
"Precisely," Ziegler said. "And you ought to thank the good folks at our Committee for that. When it comes to trust, we know who matters, and it isn't you."
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